I feel like a hot mess.

Hey all five of you loyal readers. I'm pretty much here just to vent here today. My life right now feels like a hot mess. And I don't like it.

There's been a large amount of change for us in a very short amount of time. I don't recommend doing such a thing. It's not wise. But it's where we're at. We didn't PLAN on all of these changes happening within a month of each other, it just kinda did. My husband resigned from his job at our church, our 22 year old friend Niki moved in, and we were placed with a four year old foster child. The four year old boy requires a lot of attention and energy which wears the heck out of me. When we filled out our foster care application we specifically requested a boy, age 0-2. The first call we got on October 4th was about a four year old boy who needed a home. We choose to say yes. The experience we are currently having with the foster care system is not what I pictured. I'm sure it's never what you picture but what I pictured was being called about an infant or at least a child younger than our two and a half year old. But sometimes life throws you curves. Or the Department of Child and Family Services does.

So here I am. A stay-at-home mom to two boys, ages two and five. One who came from my tummy, one who did not. One who is very easy for me to love, one who is not. Just being honest, friends. This stuff is hard. Some days I want to run far, far away. Some days anger comes out of me that I didn't know was there. Some days I just don't know if I can do it anymore (the foster care thing, not life). Some days I loathe the idea of doing it all over again the next day.

What gives me hope is that I know this is only for a season. Everything in life is only for a season. Short or long, still a season. I am thankful for the friends who have come alongside us and given us support, money, food, gift cards, babysitting, hugs, and allowed us to vent. We need those people desperately.

Our friend Niki has moved back to Des Plaines and we miss her dearly but the chaos in our home isn't an ideal growing environment for a twenty two year old girl. She comes back to hang out with us often and that makes me happy.

I'm bummed that I haven't been able to blog much lately. It's a fun outlet for me. But in this season, I honestly don't feel like I have much to say.

So I'll probably be silent for a while until I feel like I have something productive or at least positive to contribute to the blog world.

Thanks for listening to my 'hot mess'.


  1. You and Justin have been on my heart and mind a lot lately. And when you are, I pray. I just want you to know that I care.

  2. I have been praying for you all. Just want you to know. Been thinking about you guys a lot lately.

  3. oh friend, you are doing really hard work but really beautiful work. I'm thankful for your honesty and courage and heart. I'll be praying, love ya!

    1. Thanks Reeve. Prayers are greatly appreciated. Love you and miss you.

  4. My son was adopted from the foster care system (after the first attempt to adopt failed), so I know how hard it is to deal with Human Services. Good luck!

  5. Whoa- I need to catch up here! I'm not going to be cliche and say 'God doesn't give you anything you can't handle' but I think that is probably true...HA! Love ya! Hang in there! Call/email/text to vent anytime. I will pray for patience and peace for today and the days ahead for you and your growing family.

  6. You are amazing and I'm praying for you over here. I just came across your blog by chance via twitter. Your video moved me to tears. Thank you.